I am ready for a plant.

Why is this a significant declaration?

Because I haven’t lived anywhere for more than five weeks at a time since May 2024.

I sold my house in 2023. I was a new empty nester, burned out, and knew I needed something different. I just wasn’t entirely sure what different was going to look like.

That first year was still mostly about shedding. When I sold my house, I told everyone I wasn’t going to cook for a year. I also announced that I didn’t want a plant. I didn’t want to feed, water, maintain or otherwise be responsible for keeping anything alive.

I had apparently reached my nurturing capacity. 🙂

I rented a house, but I was traveling almost every week for speaking engagements while teaching full time. I had a garage full of things I was slowly selling and giving away. I put my kids’ keepsakes into storage. I went through years of belongings and decided what mattered enough to keep.

I was traveling constantly, but I was still grounded somewhere. There was a place to come back to.

I thought the next step was going to be Panama. I had plans to move there full time, live in the middle of the jungle near the Pacific Ocean, and fly back to the U.S. for speaking engagements.

It was a pretty specific plan.

It also didn’t happen the way I envisioned. 

Panama is still incredibly special to me. I go back when I can and probably always will. But it isn’t where I want to live permanently right now. 

We tend to talk about change as though we know where we’re going.

A lot of the time, we don’t.

Since May 2024, I haven’t had a home base. I’ve bounced between Airbnbs, hotels, friends, and family. I’ve done month-long stints in a few places, but most of the time it has been a week or less, then on to somewhere else.

During that time, I’ve had the privilege of traveling to 16 countries. I’ve met incredible people. I’ve seen places I never imagined I’d see. I’ve worked from some amazing locations. I’ve also gotten extremely good at packing.

And somewhere in all that movement, I’ve learned a lot about what I need and what I don’t.

I’ve learned how little stuff I actually need. I’ve learned what makes somewhere feel comfortable to me. I’ve learned how I like to spend my time when I’m not considering anyone else’s wants, needs, or preferences.

I’ve learned what I miss.

I’ve missed my kids terribly at times and wanted time to go backward. At the exact same time, I’ve been excited to discover what I could do on my own.

I’ve felt lost while also being excited about the exploration.

I’ve wanted freedom and also wanted familiarity.

Yes, we are all capable of wanting contradictory things. 🙂

These last few years have been a strange combination of recovering, learning, exploring and growing. Personally and professionally, I’ve changed quite a bit.

But it hasn’t been a clean trajectory where I left one version of my life behind and confidently marched toward another.

Some days I’ve felt incredibly clear about what I’m doing.

Other days, not so much.

And I’ve learned something else from moving around this much: changing your surroundings doesn’t mean you leave yourself behind.

I’ve seen where my anxiety lives even when I’m not living anywhere.

You can change cities, countries and continents. Eventually, there you are again.

And then recently, I was out walking.

I kept noticing plants.

There wasn’t some profound moment. I just kept seeing them and thinking, I want a plant.

Then it occurred to me how ridiculous that was.

I don’t live anywhere.

What exactly am I going to do with a plant?

But the thought stuck with me.

And I realized I didn’t just want the plant.

I wanted to be able to have one.

I want books I don’t have to pack.

I want groceries without thinking about what I can finish before I leave.

I want a coffee shop I go to often enough that someone eventually knows me.

I want somewhere to leave from and somewhere to come back to.

Sometimes we recognize that we’ve changed because something we want has changed.

For the last few years, I wanted movement. I wanted flexibility. I wanted the freedom to ask, “Where do I want to go next?”

I still want those things.

I just don’t want movement to be the default anymore.

I turn 48 this week, and somehow the timing feels fitting.

I’m not going to give you 48 lessons I’ve learned or announce that I’ve figured out the next chapter of my life. I haven’t.

I don’t know exactly where I’m going to live. I don’t know exactly what this next phase will look like. And after the last few years, I’ve learned not to get too attached to a plan anyway.

But I do know I’m ready to grow and expand in some different ways.

Maybe having roots and having freedom aren’t opposites.

Maybe home doesn’t have to mean staying put.

And maybe change isn’t always the moment you pack everything up and leave.

Sometimes it’s walking down the street and realizing you’re finally ready for a plant.

Now I just need somewhere to put it.